


We'll Figure It Out Tomorrow

by cindyls1969



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 17:43:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11491413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cindyls1969/pseuds/cindyls1969
Summary: Just my little take on how it could have gone with Bucky and Cap. In my heart I just can't see anyone fighting as hard as Cap did for Bucky unless they loved them with all their heart.





	We'll Figure It Out Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'd sorry. If there's a mistake let me know nicely.

 

Steve looked tired, even when he was sound asleep. The Asset (Bucky he amended in his own head) knew that it was mostly his fault. Steve had been searching for his friend for a long time, and Bucky didn’t know how to get through to him that his friend had been dead since WWII.

Bucky reached out and gently smoothed his fingers across the worry lines creasing Steve’s forehead. The man had no sense of self-preservation. He was staying in a shitty apartment in Brooklyn with windows that didn’t lock and now he had a vicious killer touching him in his sleep and he couldn’t even be bothered to wake up.

Bucky ignored the little voice in the back of his mind that was whispering that it was because even in his sleep, Steve knew he was safe with Bucky.

Crossing the room soundlessly, Bucky grabbed the armchair out of the corner and set it beside the bed. He settled in to watch Steve sleep and to try and make sense of the swirling, chaotic mess that was his brain.

It was almost funny really. All those Hydra scientists had congratulated themselves over and over for breaking Bucky with their torture and drugs, but in the end, it was never them that did it.

The thing that had sent him over the edge was headlines they’d gleefully shoved in front of his unbelieving eyes. The world was mourning the loss of Captain America. Their hero was gone, lost to the icy depths that refused to return him on a mission that couldn’t have gone more sideways. He’d sacrificed himself to save the world, the very thing that Bucky had feared the most…the reason he’d been so glad when the army had rejected Steve’s attempt to enlist.

So mankind had lost Captain America and Bucky Barnes had lost the last anchor he’d had to his humanity. A world without Steve Rogers wasn’t worth living in and Bucky had stopped fighting his captors after that. He was ashamed to admit, even to himself, that he’d welcomed the oblivion that being wiped over and over had offered. The physical torture they’d done to him was nothing compared to the never-ending ache that came from losing the person who’d meant everything to him.

Bucky was startled back to the present when Steve cried out, a moan of pain followed by a jumble of words that took Bucky a second to sort out.

_No, please. Let me go…gotta find him_

Sighing, Bucky leaned over and started combing his fingers through Steve’s hair. He couldn’t help smiling when the tension eased and Steve quieted as he unconsciously pressed his head into Bucky’s touch.

Bucky wished he could remember more about their past. He knew they’d been more than just friends, even if the rest of the world didn’t. There were too many flashes of memories that involved intimate moments that couldn’t be explained by “just friends.”

Steve in the tub, cradled against Bucky’s chest back when they were still in Brooklyn. Bucky and Steve curled up together in bed, Bucky’s head resting carefully on Steve’s thin chest, taking comfort in the erratic beating of Steve’s heart in his ear.

Bucky being the one tucked into Steve’s embrace after Azzano, crying silently as he told Steve about what they’d done to him in hushed whispers. Steve had held him tightly, swearing to never let him go again, calming him with soft touches and sweet words.

So yeah, he knew what they’d been to each other. And the more he remembered, the more he missed it. It would be heaven to just be able to fall and know that Steve would catch him, but he couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair to Steve because Bucky wasn’t that man anymore and there was no way that Steve could love the person that Bucky had become.

Bucky sighed and leaned on the bed, his head in his hands. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do now. He had what was left of his mind back and there was no fucking way he was going back to Hydra. He was done being someone’s killing machine. He’d kill himself before letting that happen.

He didn’t fit into this time and place. Bucky Barnes was never meant to be a part of the 21 century. He was supposed to have died 70 years before, when he fell off that train and that should have been the end of it all, but Hydra’s knock-off serum had made it so he’d survived…in a way.

He’d been asleep for most of the last 70 years, only being thawed out when his handler’s had need the skills that only possessed. He figured that he had probably been awake for maybe a total of 5 years or so, making him roughly 32 years old and he had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. There wasn’t a single person in the world who had any idea who he was or what he’d been through, save for the man sleeping in front of him.

He supposed it might be easier for everyone if he’d just blew his own brains out, but he’s not sure the conditioning left in his brain would even let him pull the trigger. Making sure the Asset survived to kill again was second only the mission he’d been assigned. His handlers had put too much time and money into making him to let him die by his own hand.

So now Bucky has to figure out where to go and what to do with the rest of his life. With the serum still running through his veins, there could be a good may years to fill.

Sitting here in this apartment was about the worst place he could be. Never the less, he couldn’t bring himself to leave quite yet.

Steve stirred again, twisting onto his side, his face toward Bucky. After all this time, Steve’s face still held a quality of innocence that Bucky didn’t think he’d ever had, even as a kid.

Steve’s eyes started fluttering but before Bucky could make his escape, Steve reached out and grabbed Bucky’s hand…the metal one. “Please.” Steve’s voice was raspy with sleep and it brought back memories that Bucky had thought lost forever. “Stay. I’m so tired of chasing you but I can’t stop until you do.”

“Stupid punk. You’re just tired period.” Bucky reached out and carefully ran his flesh and blood thumb across the dark circles under Steve’s eyes. “If you had a lick of sense at all, you’d have never started looking for me.”

Steve smiled shyly and curled both hands around Bucky’s. “You know I never had any sense when it came to you.” He stroked the metal hand with curiosity and tenderness. I figure if it hasn’t changed in almost a century, it’s not going to.”

“You don’t know the things I’ve done. I’m not the man you remember. I’m not the friend who fell off the train.” Bucky knew he should pull away, but it had been a long time since he’d been touched in anything but pain and violence so he savored the sweet touches, knowing they would stop soon enough. “The people I’ve killed…”

“I know.” Steve squeezed Bucky’s hand and then sat up. “Can I show you something?” He pointed to the closet. “Open it up. There’s a lock box under the floor.”

Bucky nodded and walked to the closet. It was easy to find the seam in the floor and pull out the box. He carried it back to the bed and set it in front of Steve. Twisting the lock, he opened it quickly and pulled out a file folder and a thumb drive.

“Natasha found this in a Hydra bunker.” He flipped the file open and handed Bucky a sheet of paper. It was a list of names and places, and Bucky recognized enough of them, to know it was the people he’d been sent to kill. At least part of the list. “There’s also video of your training…” Steve stumbled over the words and turned away, obviously trying to get control of his emotions before turning his eyes back to Bucky’s. “I want to kill them all. As painfully as possible.”

Bucky’s heart clenched at hearing those words come out of Steve’s mouth. His Steve never wanted to hurt anyone. His only mission in life had been to protect the people he loved and serve his country. But the things that had been done to Bucky had changed Steve almost as much as it had changed him.

“Steve, I killed Howard Stark and his wife. They recognized me and I didn’t want to do it, but I couldn’t stop, no matter how hard I tried.” Bucky hung his head, the despair over what he’d been forced to do to someone who’d been a friend to them both overwhelming him. This would be the thing that cost him Steve but he couldn’t go forward without being completely honest.

“I know Bucky. There’s video of that too. But that wasn’t you. It wasn’t your choice. I know that. Tony knows it too. I had to tell him. He deserved to know.” Steve lifted Bucky’s chin with gentle fingers. “You need to listen to me. I know you aren’t the Bucky Barnes I lost. I’m not the Steve Roger’s who let you fall.”

Bucky shook his head. “Steve that wasn’t your fault. Shit happened and I fell. It was war, and horrible things happened.”

Steve snorted softly. “I know that in my head Buck. But my heart disagrees with you.”

“Yeah well, you always were too stubborn for your own good.” Bucky yawned, the tension bleeding out of him as he and Steve talked. “I am so fucking tired Stevie.”

Steve ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair. “I bet you are.” He shuffled over and Bucky told himself he didn’t whine as Steve’s touch fell from his face. “You wanna…?” Steve lifted the corner of the blanket in invitation. Bucky almost laughed at the blush that crept up into Steve’s face. “Or I could make up the spare bed for you. I promise you’re safe here.”

Bucky shook his head. “You’re a real piece of work, you know that? Inviting a brainwashed assassin into your bed.”

Steve swallowed but didn’t say anything, just sat there waiting, not trying to push Bucky one way or the other.

Bucky stood up, knowing he really should leave but his heart broke as he watch Steve’s face fall. Sighing, he quickly shed his jacket before kicking his shoes off. “This is nuts. I know this is nuts, and so do you, but there you sit, looking like someone kicked your puppy and I never could resist that face.”

Once he had his belt unbuckled and the buttons open on his jeans, he let them fall before reaching down to pull off his socks. He looked up when Steve let out a quiet huff of laughter as Bucky hopped around.

“Listen punk, there ain’t no way to take off your socks gracefully. Keep it up and I’ll kick you to the couch.” With his feet finally free, Bucky quickly slipped under the covers.

“You can’t kick me out of my own bed, you jerk.” Steve slid back down until he was face to face with Bucky, his hand on the bed between them.

“You wanna make a bet?” The threat would have been much more intimidating if Bucky hadn’t yawned about half-way through. Reaching out, he took Steve’s hand, weaving their fingers together and tucking them under his chin.

“I’m glad you’re here Bucky. I missed you.”

“I wish I could say I missed you too. And I did in a way. There was always this ache that seemed to grow bigger and bigger the longer I was out of cryo. Pretty sure that’s why they kept me under. I think it was my brain trying to heal.” Bucky rubbed his thumb over Steve’s knuckles.

“It’s okay Buck. Get some sleep.”

Bucky nodded sleepily. “You too.”

Steve started to say something but cut himself off.

“What is it? It’s okay, you can tell me.” Bucky started as Steve’s toes touched his shins, but he found himself automatically letting them tuck between his legs. Kid always did get cold feet.

“You’ll be here when I wake up?” Steve wouldn’t look him in the eyes.

“I will. Not going anywhere tonight. I can’t promise to stay forever because there’s still shit to be worked out, but I’ll be here in the morning.”

Steve leaned toward Bucky as he got closer to sleep. “Mmkay.” Yawning, he let his head rest against Bucky’s. “Night Buck.”

Leaning up, Bucky kissed Steve on the forehead before finally letting himself rest. “Night Stevie.”

 


End file.
